on sweet spices and bitter words

March 30, 2014.

I am surprised at how clear this was since the very beginning. I did wrong to forget.


1.
We came together
though I like to pretend it was his doing and not mine.
Sometimes, when I'm quiet and quite sure I'm alone,
I know I lead him there.

2.

He thinks of love as kissing and holding and fucking me,

I think of love as someone who listens,

I think, but I don't really know.

3.

I wonder if loving him makes me a terrible person.

He thinks that loving me makes him better.

I am secretly proud of him,

like a bad scrape gotten as I fixed the roof by myself.

4.
His carelessness hurts me.
I pretend it doesn't.
This is a lie.

5.
I think I am an escape for him.
He is my choice of venom.

6.
The inescapable truth is that I want to fall in love,
though I know there is little hope for this particular story.