aroma and nostalgia

"you smell like make-up and coffee, like an early morning at the office."

i think about all the sensations of being here, of sitting quietly in the dark waiting to feel lonely or sad, of listening to the silence and longing for familiar, warm noises. your hands are big, and calloused, and stronger than mine (by far) but maybe they haven't built quite as much as mine. 

though they are pale, and small and soft in all the right places,

they know struggle (do you?)

you hold me softly, tenderly.

you pull on me roughly, as if afraid i'll fight back,

and maybe i will; but then i don't and you smile as you kiss my hair.

we have come a long way from the shy smiles and soft-spoken words

our kisses are no longer stolen, no longer secret. 

they feel as real as if they ought to have been ours all the time,

as if my lips have never tasted others,

as if i have never missed yours.

we laugh, and we play, and your fingers tickle the soft spot under my arm,

and my tongue tastes your bottom lip and you sigh into my mouth, and i laugh your name out loud,

and we ask questions and answer them with an honesty we never expected to give

(but sometimes our silence is louder than words)

and sometimes your smile brightens up your eyes and i want to kiss your lids and hold your rough hands. 

you smell like mint and cologne and something i can't quite place,

and i smell like honey and summer air

i breathe you in and fill my lungs with your scent

and i drink you up as if you were summer rain.

i don't remember the last time we were silent

or when i didn't know you

or when i didn't want you

but it feels as though it's been so long (it hasn't)

and we have forever (but we don't)

i can smell your warmth as you hold me in your arms

and i don't have to tell you to stay (but i do and i will)

and i don't need to ask (but you want me to and i know)
i don't know how i didn't know you before.

if i am the summer and all its warm aromas
you are the reason i wake up to brew coffee
in hopes that you will find you like it,
and i love the smell of joy on you,
and how it mixes in with sleep

you taste like rain (and i, like the sun)
and it's only when we kiss like that,
that i cannot withstand the steam and the heat.